I FINALLY CAUGHT A FREAKING T-SHIRT! Must have been fate.  Not only did I catch this shweet Heat tee, but rubber banded to the shirt were two FREE tickets to the following nights MFA fight. 

A double whammy!  I score a shirt AND two  FREE tickets to something that I promised myself I would never...EVER...pay for. More on this story to come.

What made this bailout request even more newsworthy, was that the CEO’s showed up in private jets. Geniuses. Let’s show up to ask for public money in private Jets that cost about $200k per trip to run. They were scolded by Congress because of this, not to mention the fact that they had no specific dollar figure that would help save the industry. They were told to come back later with a plan.

Now, fast forward to yesterday/today. The CEO’s showed up to the meetings not in private jets, but in hybrid cars. How stupid do they think we are? Oh look, they’re riding in environmentally safe cars. They learned their lesson. Give them some money. Fantastic. I’m moving to Canada to hang out with BP’s family.

I haven't seen that much vomit since junior year of high school. I went to the Dolphins game today with a couple of friends of mine. My buddy Fuego (that isn't his real name) was a funneling champion. He was the Michael Phreakin' Phelps of funneling. He challenged some dude to a double funnel.  I haven't seen this kid drink like that in ages, he must have downed about 10 brewskis before the game.

After the game our tailgating friends next to us handed out leftover crab legs to everyone. Fuego proceeded to scarf down 20 legs and funneled another four beers. Thirty minutes later in the parking lot of a strip club Fuego unleashed the fury, crab legs spewed all over the floor.  It was so nasty.

Before:

After:

To those of us who play golf, we know it is not as easy as everyone thinks, it is not as stupid as everyone thinks, and you don't HAVE to wear funny clothing to play.  But one thing it really is, is just like the game of Women.  There are many similarities that not many people know exist.  Are these coincidences that society has just overlooked or are these actually divine properties and similarities that are created on purpose by whoever put us here?  I'll let you decide because I already have.

Let's go one step at a time.  Golf...Girl...both start with a "G"...both are four letters...coincidence?...maybe...let's keep going.

The game of golf is played on a surface where the grass length is variable from really short (the green) to really long (the rough).  The green is the easiest and most fun surface to play on.  Such can be said about the grass on a certain body part, it is definitely much easier and more fun when the grass is short.  When you are in the rough, or the grass is really long, it is almost impossible to find your ball and you can spend almost 10 minutes looking around for that diamond in the rough.  

Let's go some more.

The terrain.  For those of us who play, a course that has some rolling hills here and some rolling hills there is a fun course to play.  A completely flat golf course is no fun-- it requires very little course management, very little strategy.  It is boring.  On a female body, flatness can also be a little boring.  Nothing to manage your game plan around, nothing to include in your strategy on the way down to the green.  Some curves and hills here and there make a fun girl to play with.

Even further- the nicer the golf course, the more expensive it is to play on it.  If you were to play on a top-notch course, you are looking to spend anywhere from $150 a pop.  If you want to go real classy, you can purchase a membership for upwards of $10,000 a year!   On the other hand, if you wanted to play a low-end course you can play a round for under $10.  A nice, classy girl that my mother would like me to play with will probably cost me about $100-$150 a night at dinner and on average about $250 a week on gifts and flowers.  That can easily bring me up to about $15,000 a year to be in her membership club.  The membership at the course comes with a golf cart to drive around with...my girl ain't buying me no golf cart.  But, if you decide to go with the $10 hooker that you find on the corner, she will probably have critters crawling around on her green and you'd wish you had brought your bug spray..., no bueno.

Still not convinced? 

Every shot you take in golf has to be calculated.  You have to take into account the wind, the terrain, the distance, the slope, the amount of power you put into your swing, your foot placement, your grip, your knee flexation and many more things.  With women you must ALSO calculate and carefully plan EVERY move you make, starting with the approach at the bar, the drink you buy her, where you are looking when you talk to her, where you are looking when you are NOT talking to her, what to say when you want her to leave with you, what to say on the way home to keep her interested before she realizes what a huge mistake she made, what to say once you are actually in your house, and so many other little things that occur during the night.  

Another thing- some of the guys that are really, REALLY good at golf look like they could be one hot dog away from having a stroke on the course (cough*/johndaly\*cough).  Others just look like a complete goofball that should probably be the clown at your little cousins bar mitzvah (cough*/philmickelson\*cough).  Same with girls, the best looking guys don't always get the best looking girls, you just have to know how to handle the situation.  I have seen some really ugly guys with some really not ugly girls.  You just have to know how to play the game.

I have only touched on a few of the things that bring the game of golf and the game of girl closer together.   There are a plethora other similarities that you can come up with but I will leave you with the most obvious and final one: